


The Shadow that Follows

by Caffinated_Story



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, M/M, and maybe some fluff, hello I'm here with angst, stay tuned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 04:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffinated_Story/pseuds/Caffinated_Story
Summary: Mollymauk thought he'd left his old life far behind him - the person who got buried is long gone as far as he's concerned.Lucien on the other hand, had other plans.





	The Shadow that Follows

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @ediblecats/celabwidogast on tumblr

It started with bad dreams. Little glimmers of a past he didn’t remember and didn’t want to know more about either.  
Once or twice he woke up in a cold sweat, his own hands around his neck as he struggled to breathe.  
He’d glance around, red eyes trying to spot if anyone noticed he woke up almost screaming a name he had no wish to talk about.

However, so far he had gotten lucky.

Molly tried to not dwell too much on it. Tried to tell himself that the old soul who had inhabited this body was long gone.  
All that remained was other people's memories of this past person – and soon those people would forget too.

Lucien was a ghost of a past Molly had no intention of digging up.

Lucien, it seemed, had other plans.

A whisper came in the dark hours of the night, when everyone else was drinking and being merry.  
“Kill them.” The voice whispered and Molly turned abruptly around to try and see what or who was sneaking around him.

However, there was nothing but a solid wall behind him.  
“They know too much,” the voice once more spoke and Molly realized it was coming from inside his own mind.

He ignored it.  
Knocked back his drink and decided to let the voice die out on it’s own.

He woke the same night with his own hands around his neck and his lungs burning with lack of air.  
Fjord was sound asleep - or at least made no note of Molly’s odd nightly behaviour, so Molly figured it would pass.

“Let her die,” the voice whispered two days later as Molly watched Beau fall to the ground after taking a real beating from a giant mountain troll.

“She’s not worth anything,” the voice added as Molly ran and slid across the dirt to avoid the giant tree that the troll tried to swing at him.

“Let her die,” the voice said once more as Molly forced and held open Beau’s mouth as he poured every drop of the health potion down her throat.

“There you go,” Molly smiled as Beau’s eyes focused on him once more and the giant gash across her stomach stopped bleeding. “Up and at them,” he added and helped her to her still a little shaky feet.

“Worthless,” the voice in his mind echoed as Beau thanked him before throwing herself back in the fight.

Molly didn't have time to dwell on the awful things the voice kept trying to tell him to do.  
However, when the dark set in and they all gathered back at the tavern – bruised, bloodied and beaten, but alive – the voice seemed so much more real and so much stronger.

Molly rubbed his eyes, shrugging off his coat before collapsing face down on the bed.  
He barely registered the tired conversation between the others as they all gathered into the one room they'd purchased for the night.

He awoke later to screams, blinking awake as Jester yelled at someone to stop while Yasha and Fjord tried to drag him away from something.  
Or someone.

Molly shook his head and stared in horror as he realised they were yelling at him and trying to pry him off Caleb.  
The poor wizard's eyes were wide in fear, small scratches on his neck where Molly's claws had dug into his skin.

“What the fuck was that about?!” Beauregard said through gritted teeth as Fjord and Yasha held Molly in place.

“I... I don't know!” Molly looked around him, a sinking feeling settling itself in his stomach as he watched Jester tend to Caleb's wounds.  
“I think I had a... nightmare,” 

“So you just decide to try and murder a party member?” Beau frowned. “Nice choice going for Caleb, he's definitively the most squishy. If you'd gone for anyone else you'd be dead, don't fucking think we'd spare you, you don’t get a free pass just cause you helped me today...”

“Wouldn't dream of it,” Molly grimaced, noticing the utter look of fear that still lingered on Caleb.

“Care to explain?” Fjord's voice asked sternly from behind him, and Molly felt his hands tighten their hold on him just a little.

“Has he ever done this before?” Jester asks Yasha, who only shook her head in a reply.  
She too tightened her hold on Molly before slowly releasing her grip on him.

“I swear, I really have no idea what's going on,” Molly pleaded, swallowing nervously as everyone's eyes were on him – and not in the way he was used to.  
For the first time since he began travelling with this group there was genuine fear and disgust in their eyes – Molly thought he was above caring for such looks, but it hurt. It hurt a lot.

“Perhaps you shouldn't sleep in the bed,” Nott piped up, and Molly could now see that her crossbow was drawn and notched – undoubtedly she had it aimed at him and wouldn't hesitate to aim it back at him if he made a wrong move.

“Yes, perhaps you're right,” Molly nodded – ignoring the faint sound of laughter at the back of his mind.

“You good?” Yasha asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Molly sighed, as both Yasha and Fjord released their grip on him. 

“It's still late,” Fjord grumbled. “We should try to get some more sleep...”

A silence followed, and Molly knew it was because they were all afraid.  
Afraid of him.

“Caleb,” Molly whispered softly and shifted a little closer.

Caleb averted his eyes and there was a hint of a shiver that seems to run through his body.  
Molly stopped.  
“Caleb... I'm sorry,” Molly continued in a soft whispers, trying to covertly remove the traces of Caleb's blood from his own hands.

“It's fine,” Caleb rubbed his neck carefully, avoiding Molly's eyes and instead focusing on Frumpkin curled up in his lap.

“Should we, uh, keep watch?” Beau motioned to Molly with a slight grimace.

“Not necessary, I promise,” Molly tried to play it off smooth, but it didn't look like anyone else was really buying it. 

“Just in case,” he heard Nott grumble, and even if she was being sneaky about it, Molly did notice that the little green goblin didn't sleep any more that night.  
He'd wake every now and then and catch a glimpse of her yellow eyes staring intently at him, watching his every move like a hawk.

The morning didn't bring much joy with it either.

Everyone was walking around him as if he had strewn broken glass at their feet, or that he would snap at any random moment.

He heard the whispers.  
He saw the little side-glances they all made.  
He noticed how there was a distance between them all and him now.  
A distance that hadn't been there before – even when they had first started travelling together.

Even Yasha appeared to stay just a tiny bit further away from him than she usually did.

That, probably, hurt the most.

“See, they believe you to be a monster too,” the voice whispered, and Molly was certain that if a voice could smile – it would be doing so.

Had Molly taken the time to look in a mirror as the voice spoke, he might have noticed that the voice did in fact smile – using Mollymauk's face.

He rented a separate room the next night, and the night after.  
Things calmed down.  
The others stopped keeping him at an arms length at all times, and for a little while Molly could convince himself that it really all had been a bad dream.

A very, very, very bad dream.

They weren't very cautious as they made their way towards a small forest by the edge of the road, nor did anyone feel particularly on edge either.  
Nott even willingly sat next to him by the fire as Yasha and Fjord tried to cook up a meal that would taste half decent.

He stared absent-mindedly into the flames, letting his thought wander a litt back and forth between the present and the future.

Then his vision went blurry.

Molly remembered someone shouting his name, and then his vision blacked out.

His consciousness felt like it was floating down a river – slow at first before he was pulled under.  
Pulled deeper and deeper and deeper into the dark depths below.

“I'll take it from here,” the voice laughed and Molly wanted to scream.  
But his voice was no more.

It felt like he was trapped in total darkness.

No light and no air.

Molly tried to claw against the black surrounding him – hoping to perhaps dig his way out like he had dug his way out of the grave.  
This time his hands found no hold – only dark, empty air.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been swimming and floating in the darkness, but eventually he caught a glimmer of a light in the distance.

Molly tried to aim for it.  
Using all his power and might to reach it.

Images flickered in the light.  
And he could hear every so slightly the faint sound of voices talking.

As he got closer he recognised the voices.

Mumbled and hard to place at first, as if the darkness itself was obstructing his hearing.   
Slowly they became clearer.  
Molly strained his ears and tried to focus on what the light was showing.

“What's wrong with you?!” he head Beau shout angrily.

“This is madness! We're a team!” he heard Jester add, a tinge of fear in her voice.

Molly strained his eyes and ears, trying to make out the scene before him.

“Hardly,” an unfamiliar but familiar voice replied, and Molly felt his entire body go cold.  
It was his voice.  
It was him who was speaking.

Or not really /him/.  
Lucien.  
Lucien was talking.

Lucien was the one in control.  
The body Mollymauk had owned.  
The body he had made his own.  
Lucien had taken it back.

Molly screamed, but no sound sounded in the darkness. 

He watched helplessly as he – no – Lucien, took another step towards an already heavily wounded Fjord and Nott.

“They're useless,” Lucien hissed and held his sword against Fjord's neck, pressing the blade just hard enough to draw blood.  
“And I have no need for useless things,”

“They're not useless!” Molly screamed and tried to claw at the darkness around him.  
His hands found some sort of purchase and he pulled himself closer to the light.

He shuddered as he felt his consciousness slowly fight it's way back in control of his body.

Molly gritted his teeth and pushed the darkness further and further away until he blinked awake and realised it was now him holding the sword to Fjord's neck.

“Step back,” Caleb's voice said from behind him and Molly felt an intense heat behind him.

“Fuck,” Molly swore as he dropped the sword completely, taking a large step away from Fjord.  
“Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” he swore as he brought his hands up to his face and stared at the scene in front of him in horror.  
“I'm so sorry,” he whispered as he fell to his knees.

“Get up,” Caleb's voice was cold, but the fire burning in his hands were as hot as ever.

Molly shook like a leaf as he stumbled back to his feet. 

“Don't move,” Beau whipped her staff towards him, stopping just a hairsbreadth away from his face. “One more and I'll smash your fucking face up till you're more red than purple.”

“But I-” Molly began, but abruptly stopped himself as he watched Jester do her best to heal Fjord and Nott. 

“Please move away,” Caleb said sternly, in a tone of voice Molly had never even imagined Caleb was capable of using. There was a stern and angry tone to his words – and Molly knew that Caleb wasn't playing games right now.

He had hurt them,  
His friends.  
Hurt them because he'd let himself falter.  
Hurt them by not telling them the truth.

Molly gritted his teeth and backed as far away from Fjord and Nott as he could.

Beau and Caleb stood by him as Yasha and Jester carried their green companions away from the battlefield and back to the camp.

“Move,” Beau barked and nudged Molly with her staff.

Molly didn't even bother to argue. He just followed – eyes downcast as he cursed the awful voice still faintly laughing in the back of his mind.  
“See!? Worthless! You're better off without them!” the voice whispered – poisoned words trying to seep into Molly's heart.

“No,” Molly muttered under his breath to the horrible voice. “You're wrong.”

“So...” Beau began as they cleaned and set up their camp again. “Care to explain?”

“Were to start?” Molly replied sheepishly.

“How about the beginning?” Beau glared. 

Molly bit his lip and looked around.  
This wasn't the same camp-ground he remembered.  
“Can I just ask... did I faint recently?”

“Yeah like a week a go,” Fjord looked at him with slight concern. “You toppled forward and almost fell right into the fire. Jester threw some water on you and you seemed fine after that. Said you were just tiered,”

“Well, that wasn't me,” Molly grimaced.

“Sure looked like you,” Beau scoffed.

“Well it wasn't. Not mentally at least,” Molly sneered in return – hearing a distinct little 'click' as Nott readied her crossbow.

“Ignore her, just continue,” Fjord pushed Beau gently away and sat opposite of Molly.   
“Are you saying you got possessed that night?”

“Should we dump some holy water on you?” Jester asked, leaning over Fjord and smiling brightly at them both.

“I doubt it's that easy,” Molly sighed. “It's, well, it's the old me that came back? Or not me, because I'm Molly, but the other guy. The guy that Cree and the others buried, he came back. Took over...” Molly paused for a while, unable to look anywhere else but at his hands.

“So this, uh, Lucien was it, person returned? And it's him who's been travelling with us for the past week?” Fjord asked, and Molly nodded in reply.

“That would explain some things...” Caleb added and Molly immediately whipped his head in Caleb's direction.

“Did I hurt you again?” he whispered in fear.

“You’ve been useless this whole week. Barely doing anything in battle, but tonight? Tonight you turned completive on us all,” Nott hissed, sharp and crooked teeth bared angrily at him. 

“I swear, on my life, that I – Mollymauk Tealeaf – did not do any of those things. You're all my friends and I wouldn’t hurt any of you!” Molly felt tears run down his chin; but he was too exhausted to try and hide them or wipe them away.

“I believe you Molly,” Jester whispered softly.

“Me too,” Yasha added, crossing her arms and apparently glaring at the others.

“Okay,” Fjord sighed. “So Mollymauk is possessed by a ghost of the old soul that used to inhabit his body. What do we do about it? Clearly ignoring it isn't going too well for an of us,”

“Bathe him in holy water?” Jester suggested once more with a giggle. 

“But it's not truly a possession if it's who he used to be, is it?” Caleb asked. “I mean. Lucien used to be what is now you, and while he did 'die' back there... I'm not sure he's quite a ghost that we can simply exorcise with holy water alone...”

“Jester?” Fjord asked. “You're a cleric, can you do anything about this sort of thing?” 

“Well, I could ask the Traveller...” Jester smiled, but Molly didn't think it looked like her usual happy and carefree smile. “I'm sure he knows what to do, he always does,”

“Good idea,” Fjord nodded.

Molly tuned out their talking, trying instead to get Caleb's attention without actually uttering any words.   
Nott was the one who caught his eye, and there was an odd mix of emotion in her eyes that Molly couldn't quite place, but he recognised the protective stance she took when Caleb stepped a little closer. 

“Do you, need to talk?” Caleb asked.

“I think so?” Molly replied, rubbing his arms – not from cold, but just to keep them occupied with something or anything.

“I can listen?” Caleb offered.

“Kind of you,” Molly smiled a little in return. “But first, can I apologise? To you? For what I did?”

“You said it wasn’t you,” Caleb reminded him. “So unless Lucien wants to come out and apologise I don't think it necessary you do it on his behalf,”

“You won't get an apology from him...”

“Then don't bother,” Caleb shrugged. 

“I don't even know where to begin...” Molly placed his head in his hands and sighed.

“We'll figure it out, it's a good group we have here,” Caleb smiled and Molly felt a little more in control of his own body. “Maybe Jester is right, a bath in holy water might help,”

“You're joking, right?”

“No,” Caleb dead-panned.

“I'll give it a go I suppose...” Molly sighed. “Anything to get rid of Lucien,” he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in pure frustration and anger.

“Does he... talk to you now?”

“No, not right now,” Molly relaxed slightly. “He's gone silent, for now...”

“Then get some rest,” Caleb placed a hand on his shoulder, and Molly felt Caleb's warmth resonate from his shoulder and all the way to his core. 

“I don't think I can sleep. What if Lucien takes over again?”

“Then we'll stop you again,” Caleb reassured him, and motioned over to Nott – who was keeping a watchful eye on them both; her crossbow drawn and notched, but not aimed at Molly. Yet.  
“We'll take turns keeping watch – of the forest and you,” Caleb hummed and released some dancing lights around them. “Perhaps some more light will keep the shadow at bay?”

“Thank you,” Molly smiled and leant in to kiss Caleb's cheek. “You're pretty good at this stuff,”

“We all have our own shadows to dispel... Ghosts to banish. Nightmares to wake from...” Caleb stared absent-mindedly at the little glowing ball of light that floated effortlessly in-front of him.   
“Time heals all wounds, but not even magic can remove deep scars. We just have to, well, learn to live with them I suppose,”

“Wise words,” Molly smiled.

“Would you believe me if I told you a goblin told me that?”

“You know what... yes I would,” Molly laughed and squeezed Caleb's hand. 

“Get some sleep. It's clearly been a long week,”

“For us all,” Molly sighed. “You heading to bed too?”

“Are you going to ask us all to snuggle in with you?”

“Will you if I do?” Molly grinned.

“No,” Caleb replied flatly.

“Fine,” Molly chuckled. “Just... if Lucien does anything, fire-blast me to Nessus and back, please,”

“Noted,” 

Molly stood up and stretched, so happy to be able to feel the world around him once more.

Sleep didn't come easily, but Yasha and Beau's chatter (and Beau's constant attempt at flirting) was oddly soothing – and while Caleb didn't join him on the bedroll, Frumpkin did, and that was all the safety Molly needed to let the darkness of sleep take him.


End file.
